cicero jones
08 March 2006
  Liver Problems
Reader Jlo recently wrote me about a little fish with a big role in our ecosystem.  He provides the following editorial on the subject:
 
Oceanic Cirrhosis
 
The next time you are at the breakfast table with assortment of vitamins and omega-3 rich fish oil pills think again.  The physically unattractive and fetid menhaden is a 1-pound renaissance fish whose unfortunate fate may connote doom for some areas of the ocean.

Our toothless pudgy-bodied menhaden is a multi-million dollar industry that supplies farmers with fertilizer and animal feed, health crazed baby boomers and generation xers with omega 3, and oil in linoleum, soap and lubricants.  However, there is much more to this coastal superstar than the revenues it brings to tycoons like Malcolm Glazer.  

The menhaden is the liver of the ocean's coastal ecology and a poignant centerpiece of the oceanic food chain.  Supper to almost all Atlantic predatory fish, sea gulls, and ospreys, the menhaden is the diet of the Atlantic.  In addition to its mission to be eaten, the menhaden regulates the vast quantities of nitrogen that poison the oceans by consuming phytoplankton.  In the past menhaden collaborated in its filter feeding with the oyster.  However, in recent years our gluttonous appetite for the aphrodisiac oysters has depleted their population and subsequently added stress to the menhaden's mission.  

The oceans are changing, especially coastal estuaries like the Chesapeake Bay, an area once prized as the breadbasket of seafood.  As Mr. Glazer and his fleet of menhaden trawlers prowl the coastline for the staple ingredient of Omega Protein's products, they are choking the ocean of its critical filter feeder.  With each catch of menhaden, Omega Protein is literally removing a portion of the ocean's liver and replacing it with "dead zones," where marine life no longer exists.

 
Comments:
This is just scary altogether. However, I think I can pose a possible solution: Let me make a public claim that ground sea gull beaks mixed with ground osprey beaks (in the right proportions) are 10 times more powerful than Prozac and Ritalin without the negative side effects...it IS natural, after all. Sea gulls and ospreys would be disappearing like hotcakes! Hell, if an Asian guy says it, it must be an authentic "Ancient Chinese Secret". Cicero, I'll cut you in for 5% of the profits for bringing this to my attention...
 
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